Oh the humanity. It’s so awful. It’s so very very awful.
I’ll admit, it’s a considerably small percentage of men (and sometimes women) who think this horrendous “hat” is a good idea. I say “hat” with quotes do to an insufficient amount of information on what exactly these hybrid cowboy-fedora’s actually are (cowfebdorya? No, way too hard to say…). A little research turned up no definitive title. So, not only are they hideous head accessories, they are so atrocious that they are “the hat that cannot be named.”
It’s the Lord Voldemort of head accessories.
If it was a cowboy hat, you’d be a cowboy. You’d have chaps, boots, and probably a six shooter.
You're not John Wayne. And you don't look like him. Take the hat off, poseur.
And you're definitely not Sam Elliot. You are simply not man enough. Take the hat off.
If it was a fedora, you’d be living in the earliest days of the 20th Century, you may have been a mobster or a Federal Agent In the later part of the first half, you would be Indian Jones. You are none of these.
Going to Wal-Mart at 2AM is not an adventure. The city is not a jungle. You are not Indy. Take the hat off.
You cannot croon. Hell, you probably shouldn't even sing. And you probably don't have blue eyes. Take the hat off.
Do I even have to go there? O.K. You are not Bogie. You, in fact, are not even remotely cool enough to be Bogie. Take the hat off.
Please, spread the word. Join me in the use of the simple, yet effective phrase: “Take the hat off.”
This hat is highly unacceptable to wear. Unless, of course, you’re Crocodile Dundee. Then go right ahead.
